At my 20 week ultrasound the technician went quiet, & grabbed my doctor. We received the news that my daughter had a neural tube defect. We spent the next couple of hours learning everything we could about Spina Bifida. We were referred to a children’s hospital and had our life turned absolutely upside down. This was my first pregnancy. I had heard about PPD, but no one talked about it. I didn’t have any friends that outright brought it up, & it made me think it must not be that common. I was told to possibly look out for it, but I never thought it could overcome me. Once we learned about my daughters diagnosis I knew everything had changed. My headspace was completely switched to survival mode. I enjoyed everything about my pregnancy, but it was mentally very hard. As new parents we were trying to wrap our heads around having our first baby. A daughter who may or may not walk. A child who would need a lot of medical attention, & an inevitable NICU stay.
Immediately after delivering Holland, she was rushed off to Primary Children’s for a major surgery. I wasn’t able to see my new daughter for over 24 hours. When I was finally able to see her, she was hooked up to machines & had so many wires attached. It was another 24 hours after that I was able to actually hold her. My emotions were crazy from the beginning.
Did you know that moms who have NICU babies are more likely to develop postpartum depression? It’s really hard to bond with your new baby when they are constantly being checked. Machines going off, doctors coming in and out of the room. Not only that- but as a new mom you’re still trying to figure out your new body and your new role. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. I came home & felt absolutely lost. All of the extra doctors appointments that we had seemed to slowly sink me deeper. Not only did I have my first newborn at home, but I also had a whole new world of medical terminology and extra conditions that I needed to watch out for. It took me a few months to finally regain myself. With the extra support of my husband and family, I was able to find who I was again. I could enjoy this new role as a mother! I became more confident in myself, and more confident in my daughter.
I’m really not sure why postpartum depression is something that isn’t talked about very often. I know that it happens more often than we think. Don’t be afraid to reach out! One of the most kind things someone did for us was mow our lawn and water my precious flower while we were in the hospital. It was a breath of fresh air to return home & immediately see how others cared. It really is the simple things that can make a huge difference! My daughters story is amazing. I pulled a lot of strength from her.
I’m a firm believer of going through the trials we currently face so we can help others. We can all support each other. We can all connect to each other! Nobody has to do this alone. Motherhood is hard enough, so let’s rally around each other & be kind!
Q.) What is the most common misconception of PPD?
I think a lot of people assume that you just wake up and automatically have it. Or that you’ll recognize the symptoms right away. At least that’s what I thought it would be like. I remember staring at my baby who was a month or two old, and thinking to myself that I don’t really feel anything. At that point I still hadn’t put it together. I didn’t know that my body had shut down and I was struggling.
Q.) What are some of the signs you would look for when a loved one may be struggling?
I would look and see if somebody is starting to become disengaged. I completely lost interest in things I knew were important.
I know some of this can be normal after you just have a baby. But I honestly think thats the tricky thing with postpartum depression - we’re all trying to figure out what is normal and what isn’t. Your hormones are a little off after having a baby, so I think some of it can be expected. It can also make it a little scary - PPD can sneak up on you as you’re trying to navigate this new role.
Q.) Do hospitals put together some sort of support group for moms that are struggling? If so, how can you find out about those?
I know a lot of doctors & hospitals are very good about asking your mental state whenever you go back in. I know they ask you right after you have the baby, & they ask you for your next appointments. I think thankfully a lot of doctors and hospitals are trained to look for this.
Q.) What advice would you give a mom that is struggling?
Honestly, I just want moms to know that they can reach out for help. Your spouse or significant other, doctors, family, or even neighbors. anybody that you feel comfortable with can be a beacon of light. it’ll help you know you aren’t alone! I also think it’s really important to just hang in there. go for walks outside, reach out to family, & know that you’re capable of amazing things. It’s a dark cloud, but you don’t have to go through it by yourself.
If you want to connect with this incredible mama and follow their beautiful story, check out @jord.stokes